His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
