Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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