the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
