I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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