Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
