You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
