i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
