OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
