my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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