If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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