I heard we made out
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
