I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
tell me about the eggs
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