how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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