So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
