Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
