Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
