I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
