I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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