His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
