hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
