My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
