how can u be prego again
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
