I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
