Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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