I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
