Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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