Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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