doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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