..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
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In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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