I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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