i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
