whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
