Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
