I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think a kid would responsible me up
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
