I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
