i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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