My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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