Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
