And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
