My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
