Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
