I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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