i permit you to call me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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