So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
