He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My life is pants optional.
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