Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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