non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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