Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
