drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
