there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
