I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
