Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
