Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
