My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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