DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
