Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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