Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
