i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
