I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
