Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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