My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
