Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
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Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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