I'm gonna have a badass scar
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
