It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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