i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
