i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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