Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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