Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So squirting runs in the family.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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