Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
