I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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