On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
