Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
